


What's One More Promise, When It's For You?

by TrickstersBlessing (Rinielle)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-12
Updated: 2018-12-12
Packaged: 2019-09-14 10:39:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16911387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rinielle/pseuds/TrickstersBlessing
Summary: Jester is more than a little shaken and unsure after their underwater adventure, Beau tries her best to help.





	What's One More Promise, When It's For You?

It was late when Beau arrived in their quarters for the night. She didn't know exactly what the time was the way that Caleb did, but she had filled several pages of her journal, pictures tightly packed together. Among her usual favourites there was also a sketch of Captain Button Beard with a huge handful of buttons and buttons all around his feet. Dashilla with seven unicorn-seahorses sticking into her as she ran away from a quick rendition of herself. Frumpkin latched onto Caleb's head like the oddest face mask ever created.  Nott floating horizontal in the air, chasing after little blobs coming out of her flask. A ghostly figure flat on the floor with Beau stood triumphantly above. There were others too, but they were mostly half-finished or in one case scribbled out halfway through. 

  
She had been trying to distract herself, and though it had worked for a while she had found herself halfway through a sketch, her mind drifting. During those moments she had tried reaching out to The Traveler. She supposed that he must have been really busy or something, after all he was very important and had a lot of things he had to do. She was a little sad that he didn't answer her, but she understood.  
  
She was actually just finishing off a last burst of inspiration, drawing herself and Beau flipping off a very beaten up looking Marrow, when Beau herself walked through the door, moving slowly and quietly.  
  
She looked around after gently shutting the door, apparently surprised to see Jester still awake.  
  
"Hey," she said, frowning slightly, "Thought you'd be asleep. You said you were tired,"  
  
Jester had said that. She had stood from the table whilst everyone was mid evening meal and announced that she was tired. Fjord had asked if she was okay and she'd laughed and said it had been a long day. Yasha had briefly caught her by the wrist as she left, but Jester had simply given her a sad smile and she had let her go. It hadn't really been a lie at the time; she was tired, it had been a long day. She had even tried to sleep at first, burrowing herself into her hammock, but every single time she closed her eyes she felt a cold hand on the back of her neck, or the light from the lanterns outside would tilt with the ship, sending a flash around the room that made her heart beat faster. In the end she had simply given up, lit her lamp, brought out her journal, and tried to find the light in the dark.   
  
She put on her usual smile, "Oh you know," she said, "I just realised that I had quite a lot to tell The Traveler and I wanted to get it all down before I went to sleep."  
  
Beau's eyes narrowed slightly.  
  
"Did you want to see?" Jester added quickly, and she turned her journal around, wide open on the page with the two of them, and the one of Beau beating the ghost. Beau moved a little further into the room, leaning in to look closer at the pictures. Jester watched a little smile tug on the edges of her mouth.  
  
"Nott said you punched a ghost!" Jester said, "And look, that's Dashilla, running away," she laughed, pointing to the drawing in question.  
  
"That's great Jess," said Beau, she scanned the rest of the page, "What was this?". Jester looked around to where Beau was pointing at one of the scrawled out parts of the page. She pulled the journal back, closing it and holding it close to her chest.  
  
"Oh that was going to be Fjord juggling those stone things," she said, swallowing when she realised how high her voice had gone, "But it didn't turn out great so I just, scribbled over it,"  
  
Beau raised an eyebrow at her, and for a moment she looked like she wanted to say something, but she pulled back without a word and began getting herself ready for bed. Jester remained as she was, journal clutched tightly in her hands, watching as Beau carefully undid the wrappings on her hands. Her knuckles were still a little bruised from all the fighting, but Jester knew better by now not to offer to heal them up; they weren't much of a threat to her health anyway. Beau seemed to rather like them. Wore them rather like a badge of pride. Jester didn't really understand, but she had roomed with Beau long enough to just let it be, if it made her happy.  
  
As Beau finally pulled herself into her own hammock Jester carefully tucked her journal away beneath her pillow and turned to get the light. Just as she reached over however, Beau caught her attention once more.  
  
"Jester," she looked around. Beau had a rather pained look on her face. The one she often had when she wasn't really completely sure how to say something and she needed Fjord or Jester to give her a clue, but Jester didn't know what she was trying to say this time.   
  
"Are you... okay?" asked Beau, the expression never really going away, the words coming out as if they were just ever so slightly painful. Jester blinked at her.  
  
"Of course Beau," she said,  
  
"It's just," Beau's face contorted again. If she'd been talking to anyone else Jester might have found it funny. "You were really quiet on the walk back, and then at dinner and now. I just... _are_ you okay?"  
  
Jester felt her eyes widen a little. She hadn't really given much thought to having been quiet, but now she thought on it she supposed she had. She had been initially excited by Caduceus' spell to have them walk on the top of the water, but once that had worn off she had joined Yasha and had kept mostly to the back of the group. A silent pair watching the rest as they all practically bounced back to the ship. They'd rather split off once they got back, Fjord had gone to talk to Orly and reset their course to getting the ship repaired. Nott had dashed below deck, practically kissing every inch of wooden floor she stepped on. Caleb had disappeared below deck too and not poked his head out until dinner. Yasha had taken up at the back of the ship, watching as a storm, that could have easily destroyed them had they stuck around much longer, gathered steam behind them. Beau had been helping out with whatever she could find to do, still energized from everything that had happened. Jester had gone with Caduceus below deck. That had been nice. She thought perhaps he had seen right through her already, because he talked almost the entire time as they tidied the kitchen together and he started preparing food for later, leaving her free to smile and nod as needed. She hadn't been totally sure at first, they none of them had been, what with Molly... However she was very glad he had decided to stay with them. She found his presence calming.

Once she had been around the others again, she had made an effort to engage, but everything she thought of to say sounded stupid in her head and besides, everyone was mostly talking over each other anyway. She hadn't thought her silence would go so noticed.  
  
"I asked Yasha," said Beau into the quiet, "After she stopped you, but she just said I should let you have some space. I figured you'd be asleep though,"  
  
"I'm..." okay. You're okay.

Jester bit her lip.   
  
"If you don't want to talk about it..." Beau said quickly, clearly sensing Jester's discomfort.   
  
Jester sighed, she had wanted to talk to Beau weeks ago, but she had found Nott instead, and then the more she had thought about it the sillier it had seemed, and then Darktow had happened and it had all sort of felt, a little childish. Beau had somehow managed against all the odds to convince the Plank King to hear them out, and turned the tables on Avontika. After all of that, Beau didn't need to be bothered with Jester's problems. Then, with everything that had happened today. She was feeling more and more out of her depth, and Beau had taken it all in her stride. There were barely any years between them and yet over the last few weeks Beau seemed to be becoming so grown up and capable. Still herself, still badass and ready to punch just about anything, but more mature somehow. Jester had watched her with wonder from the crowd on that dock.  
  
She felt a tear roll down her face before she could turn away to hide it.   
  
"Oh shit!" Beau's face fell, and she sat bolt upright looking panicked. She flailed slightly at her own sudden movement and almost fell out of her hammock, just barely getting her feet out under herself and landing back on the floor, upright but a little flushed. She shook it off, turning back to Jester. "I upset you. Fuck! I didn't mean to pry. I knew I shouldn't have... Yasha said... Dammit," it was amazing really. A single tear from Jester and all the progress of the last few weeks seemed to fall away for a moment. She was back to the old, brash, doesn't know how to deal with emotion, Beau that Jester well knew. She'd gone stiff, her eyes wide, looking around the room for an exit despite knowing she shouldn't take it. Jester wiped at her face and smiled a little, glad to see some of the old Beau still there.  
  
"It's okay, it's not you," she said quietly,  
  
"If you say 'it's me' I'm gonna leave," Beau said, gruffly, and Jester laughed. The first real laugh she'd given since heading into that cavern. Beau shifted her weight slightly from one foot to the other slightly awkwardly. "You need a hug or something?" Jester laughed again and shook her head, watching as Beau relaxed somewhat. Silence reigned over them for a few moments, and Jester fiddled with the edge of her own hammock.  
  
"You'd tell me right?" Beau said. She was looking down at the floor, her voice a little softer now she realised Jester wasn't on the verge of an emotional breakdown, "If it was something bad?"  
  
Jester blinked again. She took a moment, waited for Beau to look back at her, and she nodded. Beau let out a breath, the last of the tension leaving her body, she even gave a sort of smile. Then, she heaved herself back into her own hammock. Jester waited until she was settled, then reached out and turned down the lantern. Curling back down. She closed her eyes once more, and saw the flash of a knife and blood pooling in the water. Her eyes flew open again. She swallowed.

This all felt so ridiculous. They had been in scary situations before. They'd even been in situations where they'd all taken more damage. For goodness sake, she had been kidnapped by slavers and locked up in a cell, not knowing for sure if she'd ever see her mother, her friends or daylight again. Don't think about that. She huffed. It had taken a little while to stop seeing Yasha dragged, stoic and silent with fury in her eyes away from them. A while before every clatter or clang didn't remind her of chains. A while to wipe Fjord's muffled shouts and desperate attempts to get to her, when they decided it was more fun to beat her than him, from her mind. The point was she had been through worse, come out of a fight worse. Yet something about this wouldn't leave her alone. Some combination of it all. Being on the bottom of the ocean, so far from help if it all went wrong. The inherent wrongness of where they had been. She knew a little now why Caduceus reacted so strongly to the idea of the undead. She'd seen undead things before, but not like this, not so many, not so free. The cold chill kept racing up her neck as well. She had seen the way Fjord had nearly gone for Caleb, had realised that the same could happen to her, and Beau had been so close. If Dashilla hadn't run? If they had missed on a vital attack... would she have made Jester see Beau as a threat? Would she have reacted the same way? She might have hurt her, or any of her friends. That idea left worse chills than the memory of the touch did. Then. All of that, at the alter. Fjord and Caleb had looked as though they were in their own little world, not even acknowledging her when she healed them after they first cut their hands and let their blood drain away to the alter. She sniffled a little. Yasha at least had looked as disturbed as she felt, so she knew she wasn't alone, but still. Watching the storm brew behind them she had realised how close they had both come to almost causing something terrible to happen. 

She had battled for the rest of the day with whether she should mention it to Beau. There didn't seem to be much point in telling Nott, she would just say that Caleb had known what he was doing and nothing bad happened so it was okay, but Jester wasn't so sure. Caduceus had seemed so monumentally glad to be back above the water and away from the unnaturalness of what had happened, and besides he was the newest of all of them, there just didn't seem much reason to worry him any further. The group tended to look toward Caleb or Fjord as guidance, but what was she supposed to do when the smartest and most level headed of them had suddenly seemed anything but? And Beau had proven herself so capable recently. Capable and smart and grown up. Yet a small part of Jester still argued that she should keep it hidden. Wasn't that what The Traveler had advised her to do? Fjord probably wanted her to keep it between them, or he would have told Beau and the others himself. So she should keep his secrets, shouldn't she? Besides, nothing bad did happen, and... and Fjord, he wouldn't risk them all like that if he had known... nor would Caleb. She was sure. She was sure of it. But still...  
  
"It was scary," she said, out loud, into the darkness of the cabin. Her hand flew to her mouth.

For a moment she thought perhaps Beau had gone to sleep and had missed it, but after a second or so she heard a gentle shifting of fabric, and Beau's voice came back to her.

"The cave?"

Jester took a breath, steadying herself. Of course. The cave. The cave had been plenty scary all by itself.

"The cave, the ghosts, Dashilla... all of it really,"

She waited for Beau to laugh at her, or for her to tell her she was being silly. That they'd been in far worse situations than that.

She didn't.

"I guess it was sort of freaky down there," she said after a pause, and sounding a little unsure. Jester turned her head to look over at her roommate. She was staring up at the ceiling as though calculating something particularly difficult. Jester smiled. There wasn't really much that phased Beau as long as she got to opportunity to punch something, but it was nice of her to pretend.

"Thanks Beau," she said quietly, "And you know it's still pretty cool that you got to punch a ghost!"

She watched Beau's expression change into a self-satisfied smirk, "Yeah that was awesome," she said, "But hey, you were pretty bad-ass against that old hag yourself! That thing you did with the glowing eyes and the icicles, that was pretty hot"

Jester felt her face flush a little, relieved that Beau didn't have dark vision, but she shook it off smirking herself, "Beeaaauuu..."

"No. Hey don't start, I'm just saying it was a cool ass move alright!"

"If you have a little crush on me Beau it's okay you can totally tell me,"

"Jester I swear..." Beau growled, and even in the darkness Jester could just make out the hint of a blush on her cheeks.

"Okay, okay!" Jester sing-songed, "I mean I am pretty irresistible I suppose it's only natural,"

Beau didn't dignify that with a response, and silence fell on the room once more. As it lingered on, Jester felt the uptick in her mood from teasing Beau slowly start to fade away, and she huffed lightly to herself. She could feel sleep calling to her, her eyelids kept drooping and her head felt heavy, but the fear of what she would see if she surrendered to it was already creeping back in. She sighed, shuffling slightly in her hammock. A few more seconds passed and she huffed again and turned over the best she could without pitching herself onto the floor. One thing she was really looking forward to once they got back to land was getting back into a real bed. The hammock wasn't too bad if you lay flat and didn't move, but she had never been much good at keeping still, besides which - she growled a little deep in her throat pulling her head around again - the material was odd and stiff, and caught on her horns something dreadful if she lay the wrong way.   
  
She gave one final sigh and then Beau called out "Okay!" and shuffled upright leaning over to the lantern near her own bed and lighting it, filling the room with light once more. "We're talking about this some more."

"It's fine Beau..."

"It is not fine. You're even more fidgety than usual, which, is saying something so..." she trailed, probably noticing the slightly hurt look that passed across Jester's face, "That's not, what I mean. Gah. I mean. You're still upset,  or scared, and I wanna, you know, help with that or something,"

Jester frowned a little, but shuffled upright regardless. 

"I told you, it was just scary down there," she said as she moved

"Okay. I know you said you didn't need a hug, but... Offer still stands,"

"Okay,"

"What?"

Jester raised an eyebrow at Beau as she seemed to freeze like a rabbit faced with a fox. It was so weird how she could be so totally blase about walking around in an underwater cavern full of ghosts and freak out at the idea of physical contact, even after she'd offered it.

"Okay I'd like a hug Beau," Jester replied, folding her arms across her chest.

"Right," Beau shrugged, "Sure 'course,"

"You're going to have to get out of your hammock you know," 

Beau frowned over at her and mouthed 'I know' as she began disentangling herself from the material of the hammock, getting down a little more gracefully than the last time. She shook her head slightly as she landed, and padded across the small distance between her and Jester. She took a deep breath that seemed very unnecessary, and opened her arms. Jester shook her own head a little, but leaned out to meet her, wrapping her arms around her slightly smaller frame and tucking her head carefully onto her shoulder. After a slightly awkward moment, Beau returned the gesture, her arms wrapping around Jester's shoulders and squeezing. It wasn't the most comfortable position, and Jester could feel the tension all through Beau's body as she tried giving Jester a gentle pat on the back.

"You're really bad at this," she hummed into Beau's ear, but she didn't let go.

"Shut up, I'm trying,"

Jester smiled. She was trying, and as the hug went on, she thought she almost felt Beau relax into it a little; at least some of the tension in her shoulders receded and the strange little pats stopped.

"Any better?" said Beau, finally pulling back, one hand reaching to scratch the back of her head.

"A little,"

"Good. That's... good. Well!" Beau turned to head back to her own hammock again, but before she could move, and before Jester had really registered in her own head that she was going to do it, she had reached out to grip at Beau's arm, preventing her from going more than a step. She looked back over her shoulder, clearly confused.

Jester bit her lip.

That had been difficult for Beau, she knew that. Beau wasn't good with that sort of thing, casual affection was just not her wheelhouse, but she had done it anyway. Because Jester asked. Because Jester needed it. And Jester had realised with a start that Beau needed to know what had happened in that chamber after she had left. Because what had happened wasn't okay, and she hadn't been able to stop it; had barely been able to get either man to acknowledge that she or Yasha were even there. She didn't know what any of it meant, and maybe, maybe it would be nothing but, if something like this happened again. If neither Fjord nor Caleb could be relied upon to make the sensible call. Then Beau was going to be the one to step up, and take the lead. 

"I need to tell you something," she said.

It took a little while to detail everything that had happened. Partly because she didn't fully understand it herself, and she hadn't heard every word exactly, but she was able to convey most of what she had witnessed. Beau's face remained mostly neutral, but Jester knew her so well by now she was able to spot every glimmer of anger and fear and concern that passed through her eyes. When she told her her suspicion that the ritual was what caused the storm, Beau's head whipped around and she looked like she might storm out. Jester reached out to grab her again.

"Beau!" 

She grimaced, "I'm going to kill them both!" she said, tugging her arm but unable to break Jester's grip. 

"No. Everything is okay, I just thought you needed to know..."

"You're damn right. They nearly summoned a hurricane Jessie! They could have destroyed the ship!"

"I know but, they didn't, technically, and everything is fine, and we're all here, I just..."

"After all their talk!"

"I know,"

"And you and Yasha, they just ignored you?"

"Yes but..."

"I'm going to kill them!" Beau repeated, though she had ceased trying to break away, choosing instead to curl her hands into fists and glare at the wall behind Jester, as if she were imagining Caleb and Fjord in front of her.

"Okay but could you, maybe just... kill them tomorrow?" said Jester weakly, trying to catch Beau's eye. When she finally did, Beau sighed and slowly. Very slowly. She unclenched her fists. Just as slowly, Jester released the grip on her arm. The two of them lay and stood in silence for several minutes. Jester shuffled uncomfortably, wondering whether she hadn't just made a huge mistake. Beau looked furious and Jester felt herself starting to fret over what might happen if she hadn't cooled down by the morning. Her and Fjord had always gotten along so well, and she and Caleb had been making progress too... Jester couldn't help but feel like she may have just ruined all of that. May have just ruined everything.

What if they argued. What if they argued and it went really bad?

What if Beau left? Was it that bad? She really really looked angry.

It wasn't like she could go anywhere right now, but they were heading for a port. If she wanted she could just get off the boat and leave them. Yasha would probably go with her, Caduceus too, maybe, if she told him what had happened. They'd be apart again. She didn't think she could stand that. She had already had to leave everything behind her once, her home, her life, her mother. She felt a tear roll down her cheek once more at the thought of never seeing them again. Of life without Caduceus' gentle cadence. Of knowing that Yasha would never walk back into her life again. Of not waking up every morning to see Beau yawning, or stretching, or grumbling about mornings. But equally, how could she leave Fjord? Or Caleb and... and Nott. Nott would go wherever Caleb went. Another tear came, as her thoughts spiraled out of control, another, and another, and before she knew it she was sobbing into her knees.

"Oh shit..." she heard Beau say, and she tried to stop, but the more she tried not to cry the worse it seemed to become, until she could feel the tears soaking through her sheets. She had been holding it all together. She hadn't felt this young since the Iron Shepherds, but she had been doing such a good job of keeping it all inside and now... on top of everything that wave of feeling ridiculous rolled over her again. She felt as weak and helpless as she had as a child. Strong arms wrapped around her suddenly, tight and assured and she leaned into the hug. She felt her right horn knock into Beau's chin, but Beau barely flinched.

"Shit Jess I'm sorry," she said quietly, just loud enough that Jester could hear her, "I'm sorry. And I know how you like him and everything... this all just... it fucking sucks,"

Wait what? Jester felt her breath catch mid-sob and she started coughing, forcing her to pull away from Beau.

"You okay?" Beau asked as the coughing finally started to die down and settle into a few occasional hiccups. Jester wiped at her eyes with her sleeve and nodded.

"What did you say... just then..."

Beau flushed a little, apparently as embarrassed at bringing up the subject of Jester's crush as Jester might have been. Her hand flew awkwardly to her head again.

"Uh. Well. It's just. I know you like Fjord and it's just. It's sucky that he's made you this upset I guess,"

"I mean I maybe... I..." Jester trailed off. Yes. Fjord had upset her. Caleb too. It had hurt that they hadn't listened to her, it worried her what they had done, but she realised that she didn't want Beau thinking that was why she was crying. Especially as it wasn't true.

"Beau..." she started, softly, "Are you going to leave?"

"Huh?"

"You just seem really really mad and I was worried that... When we get to port, are you going to leave us?"

Beau blinked at her, "Is that what... is that what _that_ was about?"

Jester nodded, sniffling and wiping at her face again. Beau's already flushed face seemed to go even darker, and she shuffled her feet a little before sighing and hanging her head. Jester tensed, waiting for it.

"Jester, I'm not leaving," she said,

The breath Jester had been holding rushed out of her with sudden relief, wavering slightly with the remnants of both coughing and crying.

"Really?"

"Jester. If I thought about leaving every time someone in this group did something utterly moronic, I'd have left a thousand times already. I'd probably have had to leave because of my own actions several times." she looked Jester in the eye and raised an eyebrow, and Jester laughed. She had a point, she had to admit. "I'm mad," Beau continued, "And I'm not gonna rule out punching them both around the back of the head to knock some goddamn sense into them but... I'm not going anywhere,"

Jester practically jumped out of her hammock to hug her once more. The force of it, plus getting her foot caught and sending her off balance, meant she barreled into her a lot harder than intended. Luckily Beau was quick, and strong, and managed to catch them both before they ended up as a heap on the floor. It became less of a hug and more a slightly distressed looking Beau holding a grinning Jester by both arms to prevent her falling. She laughed lightly and let her head fall forwards again, this time knocking gently into Jesters. 

"Hey," she said softly, "If they try pulling some stupid shit again, and I'm not there, you smack them with that ridiculous lollipop okay?"

Jester laughed too, "Okay," 

"Promise?"

"Promise,"

"Okay."

Beau's hair, which she had let loose from it's usual tight bun before she had first gone to bed, fell around both of their faces. It was almost impossible to tell that she'd ever had her undercut these days. One strand from her fringe tickled Jester's nose, and she wrinkled it, blowing upwards. Beau cringed and drew back a little, brushing the offending hair back to tuck behind her ear.

"Stupid hair," she grumbled, 

"It's getting long," 

Beau pulled a face.

"Like in a good way!" Jester added quickly. "I told you, you have really nice hair Beau,"

 

"I could cut it for you..." Jester said slowly, leaning back a little and reaching out to brush Beau's hair back properly. She looked a little skeptical so Jester added "I used to help my mum do hers sometimes, one time, I cut it all off. Really short. I thought she would be mad, but she looked amazing... though she always looks amazing."

"Thanks Jester," Beau cut her off, "I'll... Think about it,"

Jester smiled, "I think... I think I'll be able to sleep now," she said, and Beau nodded, bumping their heads together one last time before retreating back across the room. Jester pulled herself back into her hammock, rearranging her sheets and settling herself back down into a semi-comfortable position.

"Hey Beau," she called, "Can we make each other a promise?"

She heard Beau murmur something not quite loud enough to be certain of the words, though it sounded something like 'cos that worked out so well', and she turned to her, feeling very confused.

"What?"

"Nothing." Said Beau, flopping down onto the hammock, "Okay. Since it's you."

"We promise to keep everything together," said Jester, "We're a family, right? Family... Family should stay together, and make choices together," this time she managed to hold back the tears. There was nothing that she could do just yet about her mother, or her potential father situation. That would have to wait. For right now, she had another family to worry about.

They would start tomorrow. She and Beau would get the others, and talk to Fjord and Caleb and they would work this out, all of them, together. Everything would be okay. She and Beau were going to make sure of it.

Beau was silent for a moment, "You know," she said finally, "I think that's the best deal I've made yet," and she turned over to dim the lantern, plunging them once more into darkness, and bid Jester a goodnight. 

Jester lay for a moment in the dark, and it seemed suddenly less frightening than before. She closed her eyes and saw nothing, though she thought she felt the slightest tickle on her nose. Smiling to herself she burrowed deeper into her hammock, not even minding that her horn caught a little once again on the fabric. Beau was here, and Beau was going to help her hold this all together, and for now, that was all she needed to drift to sleep.

 

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic for Critical Role. Of course it had to be for Jester.  
> After the last episode, I just felt like her whole view of what they were doing, and of both Fjord and Caleb was probably more than a little shaken, and I wanted to explore that.


End file.
